Hi my name is Vicki and I’m addicted to sugar.
I hope I don’t offend anyone by making that statement, after all I do have first hand experience of working with drug and alcohol addicts although I have never been addicted myself.
Drug and alcohol addiction is cruel, it can strike anyone and is miserable for addicts and their families. Over the years of working with addicts I learnt a lot about addiction so I don’t use the word lightly here.
I’m sure I am like many of you. Once I start eating sugar I find it hard to stop. If a packet of biscuits is open there is little chance of me eating just one, perhaps one whole packet?
It is for this reason that when I left home and went to University I always avoided buying sweet treats in bulk, preferring to buy a single chocolate bar for almost the same price as the multi-pack would have cost. My self-control just doesn’t stand up to sugar.
At the beginning of the year I undertook the I Quit Sugar programme by Sarah Wilson which involves cutting out almost all fructose (apart from whole fresh fruit) from your diet.
It was a revelation. For the first time in my adult life I felt that I had control, that I could say no to sweet treats and not really care.
My IBS symptoms improved, I was sleeping well and my headaches and PMS symptoms stopped altogether.
In short, my health was better than it had been for a few years and I had found the answer to many of my problems. My quest for a happy tummy had ended and although I was gutted that it meant avoiding sugar, one of my favourite things in the world, I felt it was entirely possible.
Then came an email inviting me to try a range of high quality dark chocolate by Chocolate & Love.
Up until that point I had turned down all requests from PR agencies for me to try out new products that contained sugar. I was determined to stick to my near fructose free diet.
But chocolate is my weak spot; my Achilles heel.
I made an error.
I thought I was in control.
How wrong I was…
A sniff of chocolate and I was off the wagon.
At first I coped really well. I had one or two pieces and that was enough.
But one or two pieces of chocolate is never enough for me. The one or two pieces turned into three or four, which turned into five or six, and ended up with me eating half a bar.
Then came our French holiday. One sweetened goats milk yoghurt turned into a yoghurt and a biscuit and then a yoghurt and a biscuit and an ice cream…you get the picture.
Sugar has grabbed hold of me again. I feel as though I am being dragged into the dark depths of a pond…I can see the light above me but it is very distant and faint.
I’m struggling to gain control although I know that I have to because my symptoms have returned with horrible reality. I wake with headaches on most days, I’m in agony with my PMS and my tummy is bloated and uncomfortable, not to mention the grumps and poor sleep.
I know I have to quit again but despite my symptoms I’m finding it tricky to gather the will power.
Quitting the white stuff is hard.
It is in so much of our food and worst of all it is entirely socially acceptable; at least if you are a smoker things are made difficult for you. Cigarettes are no longer on display in shops, you are confined to the dark and cold to smoke while your friends enjoy chatting around the pub fire and you are reminded of the harm you are causing yourself every time you look at a packet of cigarettes.
Sugar is different. As far as I am concerned it has the same evil attachment as any addiction but mention you don’t eat sugar to people and you are met with astounded silence; suggest that you don’t want a pudding and you a put under great pressure to have one. A waiter in a restaurant once gave me a five minute lecture on why I should be eating pudding!
What is the obsession with attacking people for their food choices? That is another blog post all together.
As for me I’m writing this in the hopes that it gives me the strength to tackle this addiction again. Hoping that ‘verbalising’ my troubles will force me into tackling them.
Tonight we are hosting a dinner party with a difference. We are part of a ‘safari supper’ where people in the village eat each course of their meal at a different house.
I am hosting the pudding course and in an attempt to get myself back on track I have made two puddings. One laden with sugar and the other sweetened a little with rice syrup (the preferred sweetener of the I Quit Sugar programme due to its low fructose makeup). I will be choosing the latter.
I hope…
Vicky says
The safari supper sounds awesome, have fun! Sorry you’re back on the sugar again a bit Vicki, I don’t find it too difficult to do without but then I think maybe the answer is not to deny yourself it entirely – works for me. Most of the time I can go for weeks without it but if someone buys me some chocolate I don’t feel too guilty indulging.
Vicki Montague says
Hi Vicky, sadly for me it is all or nothing. As soon as I start eating it I can’t stop I just want more and more :(!
Rebecca Smith says
I feel your pain Vicki I’ve been so good recently since I’ve been following a restricted diet… then Friday Cinema Night happened. My Achilles heel is chewy sweets; skittles, squashies, maoams…once a packet is open I have to finish it. Trouble is I know I’m feeding an addiction because I don’t savour the flavour, I’m literally fitting as many as I can into my mouth at once and adding more before I’ve properly swallowed! Today I woke with an awful headache and I’m not sure it’s connected but I’ve reacted to something, puffy eye lids and itchy skin so I’m now popping antihistamine instead…a pretty dismal reality.
You’re not alone and your blog has been the slap in the fact I need. Hope you stick to your guns tonight and don’t let it overshadow your lovely evening. xxx
Vicki Montague says
Thanks so much for your support Rebecca. It is really odd when you just stuff things in your mouth without even wanting them isn’t it? I’m sure our gut bacteria have a lot to do with this. When I got mine balanced I didn’t care too much about sugar. I suspect they might have become unbalanced again and hence the cravings. I’m back on the Symprove to see if it helps…
N says
I can identify so much. I can do anything, give up anything but the sweet poison. So please believe me when is sincerely say: well done for giving it up once. You can do it again. You will too.
I need to as well…
Vicki Montague says
So true N. Thank you for your kind words. I will do it again.
Reneé @ MummyTries says
Oh honey I’m so sorry to hear this, I could feel your pain in every word 🙁 I honestly think it’s a super slow burner though, and impossible to properly quit sugar as quickly as Sarah Wilson, et al, would have you believe. It took me five years of coming away from refined sugar, two years of 80% paleo and six months on GAPS Intro to feel fully in control, and know I had the will power to resist… that’s a bloody long time! I hope you had a great dinner party, and managed to resist. Try not to beat yourself up too much darling xxx
Vicki Montague says
Ah thanks Renee. It’s true…it’s like an addiction, every day has to be taken on its own, and you are never ‘safe’. You are an inspiration to me though. I’m so glad you have it in control x
Abi says
Insightful, honest and brave. It takes courage to write about something so personal. I also thank you…..I’ve never considered sugar as an addiction and its make me look at it in a different way……and I have shared with my hubby who loves sweet things and suffers with headaches and other symptoms …..in a society obsessed with low fat alternatives the sugar content of things has rocketed and we may just try a new approach to things 🙂
Vicki Montague says
Hi Abi, thank you so much for your comment. Nobody considers that sugar is addictive but it is highly so for most people. It is in most processed things we eat now so is very hard to know how much you are getting. A diet higher in good fats and natural food is certainly what I aim for. I’m off sugar again from yesterday so we’ll see how I get on! Good luck to you and your husband x
Kate - glutenfreealchemist says
Oh dear! Don’t be too hard on yourself…… we all fall off the waggon of whatever addiction we are fighting from time to time…. you’ll get back on track soon. You are always very determined and I have no doubt that you will sort yourself out!
Great looking chocolate though…… I can see the lack of resistance! x
Charlotte Oates says
You are not alone, I’m a sugar addict too. I loved reading your I quit sugar posts and could never fathom how you found it so easy as if I try and cut back I alway cave after spending a few days grumpy and craving something sweet. Strangely the fact that you’re struggling is really inspiring, I have so much confidence that you can get control of your sugar cravings in the long term and the fact that you will do it even though you’re finding it hard gives me a bit of confidence that maybe I can too. All the best with it xx
Vicki Montague says
Ah Charlotte, I may have given the wrong impression when I quit sugar last time then. It was tough. But I had done it a couple of times beforehand and doing the programme made it easier. If I can quit anyone can!!! It’s just staying away from it that is so difficult…but it makes me feel so horrid that I have real motivation to do it. I can’t live with the symptoms I get in the long run!
larissa says
Ugh, I definitely know the feelings all too well. I always seem to binge on things that my provides my brain with a release of endorphins and it is so difficult to want to stop that rush of good feeling that food can provide. I am definitely interested in reading your recipe for the pudding with very low sugar as I am trying-struggling-failing to put an end to that addiction. Thanks so much for sharing!
Vicki Montague says
Hi Larissa, it is good to know that I am not alone. You can find the recipe I was talking about here…it is for a lovely nutty crumble. I made it with stewed apple this time, but it is delicious with peach and berries. You could make it with whatever you fancy…just try to go with low fructose fruits..https://freefromfairy.com/2016/05/the-free-from-fairy-has-gone-to-iceland-and-made-healthy-crumble.html
Gary M. Hendersonn says
Hi Vicki,
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am too a sugar addict. Having something sweet after my main course meals or even after my morning and evening snack has become a necessity.
I use artificial sugar for my coffee, but cravings for sweets and chocolates doesn’t stop. I land up eating much more than I target to.
Anyhow, lets hope we keep our will powers strong and achieve our aim soon 🙂
All the best.
Regards
Gary
Vicki Montague says
Ah thanks Gary. Good luck with it…you might want to read my latest blog post about gut bacteria…
Mel says
Oh honey, you are so strong… every time I see you, you are working really hard to get your IBS under control, and I have never seen you be tempted by treats just in front of you. I agree: sugar is addictive. I would certainly be incapable of giving it up. I can’t imagine having to exclude anything from my diet but I understand where you’re coming from: I wouldn’t want Jumpy exposed to anything she is allergic to. Good luck sweetie xxxx
Vicki Montague says
Thanks Mel x